On the two previous posts. we talked about the character of marriage through commitment and the importance of commitment to God in regards to marriage.
Life is full of choices. When we make a commitment, we are saying “yes” to this choice and “no” to all other choices. The commitment to marriage and to one person, excludes all other choices.
We may think that sounds limiting or restrictive to us. The reality is that those limitations bring greater freedom.
For example, when our kids were little, we had all kinds of things for them to do and play in the backyard. They could swing, play on a trapeze, in a sandbox, or in a fort or climb a tree or play games in the grass. When they went in the backyard to play, they had great freedom. But there was a fence that limited where they could go. Outside that fence, they were more limited in their freedom. They had to be with one of us, they couldn’t run freely, they couldn’t go into the street.
We may think that sounds limiting or restrictive to us. The reality is that those limitations bring greater freedom.
For example, when our kids were little, we had all kinds of things for them to do and play in the backyard. They could swing, play on a trapeze, in a sandbox, or in a fort or climb a tree or play games in the grass. When they went in the backyard to play, they had great freedom. But there was a fence that limited where they could go. Outside that fence, they were more limited in their freedom. They had to be with one of us, they couldn’t run freely, they couldn’t go into the street.
In the garden, Adam and Eve had great freedom– EXCEPT they had one limitation. Don’t eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. They chose to go outside of that one limitation. They thought that they would have more freedom, more fulfillment, and more pleasure. But the truth was – they had less. They were limited in their access to God. Their physical life had a limit. They were in bondage to sin.
Before the fall, they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:25) After the fall, they immediately started covering up and felt very much ashamed. The openness, vulnerability, and transparency became shame, fear, and blame.
There is a voice in the head of many people saying “you can have the most fulfilling life by keeping your options open and not giving up a thing.”
The paradox is that I can experience more freedom when I accept the limits of commitment. I no longer contemplate “maybe …. if.” In any part of life, if I live in the land of “maybe” or indecision in committing to a course of action, I will not move forward. And it is especially true in marriage.
What would it mean to be committed to the marriage, not just staying married?
A commitment to the marriage means that I am not just staying married but I am committed to a marriage that honors the Lord. This commitment to the marriage is certainly a commitment of dedication. I am devoted to making this marriage a picture of Christ and The Church to the world. I am going to love like He loves. I am going to forgive as He forgives.
I am not going to just stay married; I am going to do whatever I can on my part to make the marriage great.
My commitment does not limit my freedom; it changes my choices. By getting married, I have chosen to make this one person my priority. I have put the boundaries (fences) of marriage on my relationships with people of the opposite sex. Within the boundaries of marriage, I have greater opportunities for a profound level of freedom within them. It protects the kind of safety that is needed to have the best in marriage. It leads to greater freedom of oneness and openness. If I really want the security and freedom, I have to act on the commitment.
Some ways to invest in the betterment of my marriage could include:
Before the fall, they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:25) After the fall, they immediately started covering up and felt very much ashamed. The openness, vulnerability, and transparency became shame, fear, and blame.
There is a voice in the head of many people saying “you can have the most fulfilling life by keeping your options open and not giving up a thing.”
The paradox is that I can experience more freedom when I accept the limits of commitment. I no longer contemplate “maybe …. if.” In any part of life, if I live in the land of “maybe” or indecision in committing to a course of action, I will not move forward. And it is especially true in marriage.
What would it mean to be committed to the marriage, not just staying married?
A commitment to the marriage means that I am not just staying married but I am committed to a marriage that honors the Lord. This commitment to the marriage is certainly a commitment of dedication. I am devoted to making this marriage a picture of Christ and The Church to the world. I am going to love like He loves. I am going to forgive as He forgives.
I am not going to just stay married; I am going to do whatever I can on my part to make the marriage great.
My commitment does not limit my freedom; it changes my choices. By getting married, I have chosen to make this one person my priority. I have put the boundaries (fences) of marriage on my relationships with people of the opposite sex. Within the boundaries of marriage, I have greater opportunities for a profound level of freedom within them. It protects the kind of safety that is needed to have the best in marriage. It leads to greater freedom of oneness and openness. If I really want the security and freedom, I have to act on the commitment.
Some ways to invest in the betterment of my marriage could include:
- Talking like friends
- Doing something fun together
- Leaving notes of appreciation
- Working on a project important to both of us
- Expressing your love in some new way
- Taking a walk together
- Planning a vacation together
- Engage in a ministry activity together
"Marriage is not a love affair. A love affair is a totally different thing. A marriage is a commitment to that which you are. That person is literally your other half. And you and the other are one. A love affair isn’t that. That is a relationship of pleasure, and when it gets to be unpleasurable, it’s off. But a marriage is a life commitment, and a life commitment means the prime concern of your life. If marriage is not the prime concern, you are not married." Joseph Campbell
How am I demonstrating my commitment of dedication and devotion to my marriage right now? What would my spouse say?
We have talked about our commitment to God and to the marriage, the third area is being committed to your spouse.... our next post.
We have talked about our commitment to God and to the marriage, the third area is being committed to your spouse.... our next post.
