How To Live In A New Family

Two times in our lives we have the opportunity to have a new family – one is a spiritual family, the family of God, and the other is when we get married. Both times, God tells to leave the old behind and be united or to be one with the new.

What does that mean and why is it important? 

Many problems in marriage come from a lack of oneness in marriage. That lack of oneness often has its roots in a failure to leave the family of origin.

What does it mean to “leave” the family you grew up in?

It DOES NOT mean you:
  • Love them less 
  • Quit seeing them 
  • Don’t talk to them 
  • Don’t ask for advice 
It DOES mean that you:
  • Love your spouse as much or more than your parents/family 
  • Make your spouse a priority 
  • Are loyal to your spouse above anyone 
  • Are no longer under the authority of your parents 
  • Respect and honor your parents 
  • Go to your spouse first with a problem 
  • Decide as a couple what your values are 
  • Still see and spend time with your family 
  • Are the one who manages conflict with your own parents, rather than your spouse 
No matter what the situation or what our parents are like, we are to show them honor and respect - no matter what. That part never changes. We speak respectfully and honor their role as a parent.

Leaving your family is often difficult. It is hard to make that transition from talking to your mom/dad/sibling about events and feelings first, to talking to your spouse first.

Because it takes awhile for a couple to learn how to support each other and communicate, sometimes it is easier to go to your parents.

Your parents may give you advice whether you ask for it or not. We are to continue to be respectful but to make decisions about our new family with our spouse.

Many concurrent themes run through the Bible about leaving/uniting in marriage and leaving our old life to unite with Christ. See below for more info.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.  C.S. Lewis

When we receive the forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ, we are to leave behind the ways of the world and follow the Lord.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  Ephesians 4:22-24

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things….. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived…. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self.   Colossians 3:2, 7-10

See our next blog about the big picture and being united.