What does the Perfect Spouse look like?

Perfect vs. Perfect for Me
The percent of young adults (25-34 yrs old) who are married has dropped by almost half in the last 50 years - now it is about 45%.

When asked why they aren’t married, the main responses are :
  • not financially prepared 
  • haven’t found what they are looking for 
  • not ready, too young 
Consequently, the age of first marriages has risen considerably. That statistic is not all bad.

But the reasons for the delay display a need to get everything right before taking the step of marriage. It is not that a person shouldn’t be thoughtful and prayerful about who to marry, but high expectations can delay or disintegrate the onset of a marriage relationship.

The search for the perfect person or the perfect relationship puts an unreasonable expectation and burden on a future marriage partner.

Waiting until the perfect moment in life to marry causes some people to forego marriage entirely or miss some of the best parts of marriage.

How many of us who have been married a long time cherish those first years of marriage?

Instead of waiting for the perfect timing, we plunged ahead to make our life together - figuring out life, career, and family as we went.

Instead of looking for the perfect person - look for the person who is perfect for you!

Instead of looking for the most attractive, the best personality, the smartest, or the most affluent, look for God’s perfect gift for you! 

A Gift
Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to His throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!   Tim Keller

God provides my spouse as a perfect gift to me. The person isn’t perfect but is perfect for me. That doesn’t mean that the marriage won’t have struggles or adversity. The marriage relationship is one of the instruments that God uses to make us more like Him!

Myth of Perfect Spouse ….
Marriage is more about being the right person than marrying the right person.

I start with a list in my head of qualities for a perfect spouse. If I can just find the person with whom I can be compatible - then we can have a great marriage!

The hard reality is - I am not compatible with anyone! The person that I should be most compatible to live with is a sibling of the same gender. We wouldn’t have gender differences. We would have very similar life experiences and family background. We have a similar genetic makeup.

But how many of us are compatible with a sibling? Didn’t we fight and argue when we were growing up together?

Ahhh, you say, but we get along fine now that we are adults. First of all, you don’t live together anymore. Secondly, you have matured - you won’t let anything come between you.

What is the application to marriage? 

It’s unrealistic to think that you will always get along with someone that you live with in such an intimate relationship and close proximity.

But as in a sibling relationship, we learn to overlook the irritating habits and understand the meaning behind their statements. We accept them as they are and love them no matter what.

The other part of this myth is that somehow I believe that I measure up to being the perfect spouse for someone else. Wrong! I am not a perfect person or a perfect spouse. In the same way I want my spouse to commit to love me for a lifetime, no matter what, I must make that same commitment. Then, we can learn to be compatible!

We have to work our way through the nuances of our personalities, our hope, our dreams, our goals, and our values. We end up with a marriage that has been forged in the fire into a beautiful work of God.

"For all the productivity and success advice I’ve read, shaped and marketed for dozens of authors in the last decade, I’ve never really seen someone come out and say: Find yourself a spouse who complements and supports you and makes you better."

That comment was written by a young male blogger about his marriage.

Who is The One?

Is it the bright, successful one? Be careful about making your (potential) spouse an idol.

Or is the one who will stand alongside you to find God’s will for your life together, who seeks the very best for you?

Christ's life unfolds, in part, as we learn to appreciate the gifts He has given us. How easy it is to blame others for our unhappiness, but we are only unhappy when something other than Christ has become our life. (For example) The husband or wife who has Christ as their life, comes to their spousal relationship already satisfied. They do not come continually looking to made happy by another person's attention; they bring Christ's life to their spouse.
Francis Frangipane