How do I change my center?

The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less… True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. Tim Keller

This post is part 2 about our center. See part 1 here.

God and Other Centered ….
When God and others become the center of my focus, I quit thinking of everything in terms of me - “What is this saying about me?” or “How is this going to affect me?”

This concept is the antithesis of our current culture. Life is not about me!

Besides looking through the lens of others, we can also see the situation with “God eyes.” We can see life as God sees it.  This is part of growing and maturing as a believer.

If I think that my spouse isn't meeting my needs, I can shift my focus from "I am unhappy" to "How can I do for my spouse?" 

If a friend or family member says something that hurts my feelings, I can re-focus from "Why are they trying to hurt me?" to "I don't think they want to intentionally hurt me. I wonder what they were really trying to say. I will ask them to clarify what they are saying."

If I missed that stage of development in my own life, I can be intentional about changing.

Ask yourself:

• Is there a truth here about me that God wants me to learn? 
• Am I open and teachable? 
• Is there something about God Himself that He wants me to learn? 
• How does He want me to interact with the person in this situation? 

The Focus of a Child ….

It’s true that children are born with an innocence about the world. But they are also born with an inclination to sin. We don’t have to teach children to be selfish. Part of our role as an adult is to teach them to move from “self” to others and God.

Children are very self-centered because everything is centered on them from birth. They can’t do anything for themselves. So, if they cry, someone runs to their aid. Every need is met by someone else. Someone feeds them. Someone keeps them warm. Someone makes sure that they are rested.

But a day comes when, they are no longer the center of the world - other people’s need are taken care of - sometimes before that of the baby. Children can be taught and trained to look at the needs of the people in their world - before their own.

We teach them to focus on what God wants in a relationship with them and what He wants for them in relationships with other people. This shift does not happen on its own! We have to teach them!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. 

[Deuteronomy 6:5-7]

Where is your center?

No one likes to think of themselves as self-centered - but we are all self-centered at times.

Self-centered is more than we commonly think in regard to it. Self-centered means that whatever happens in my world is about ME.

As a child, if dad comes home for work and is in a bad mood, the child doesn’t think “Dad must have had a bad day.” The child thinks, “I wonder what I did to make Dad mad.”

In a self-centered world, all of the actions, attitudes, and speech in my world are a reflection on me. If a person is harsh with me, it must be my fault, something I did - not that they are being unkind.

This self-centered mindset enters into all relationships. In marriage, it means that I see whatever my spouse does is about me. If my spouse is irritable, I have done something OR he is purposefully being mean to me. I don't consider that he might have something happening to him that is causing the irritability.

We carry that over to relationships with friends or family members. If my parents brag on my sister's kids that means that they like them more than my kids. I don't consider that they brag on my kids to my sister or others. It might be that they like to brag on their grandkids.

SELF'S ORIGIN ……
When the Fall in Genesis 3 happened, “self” became dominant.

Man and woman became self-centered, self-conscious, selfish, and other self’s.

When Adam and Eve succumbed to Satan’s temptation in the garden, they chose to believe the lie of the enemy that they could be their own god. 

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 

[Genesis 3:6]

They decided to please themselves, rather than to please God. From that point on, every child is born self-centered. [see more on this on the next post]

God, through the power of His Word and His Spirit, seeks to move us away from the self life.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

[Philippians 2:3-4]

No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

[1 Corinthians 10:24]

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

[Galatians 2:20]

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.  

[Romans 12:10 ESV]

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.   

[John 15:13]

As believers we are either centered on man or centered on God. 

There is no alternative. 

Either God is the center of our universe and 

we have become rightly adjusted to Him, 

or we have made ourselves the center and 

are attempting to make all else orbit around us and for us. 

Author Unknown

See the next post about moving your center.