Healing in a Damaged Marriage

At LIVING WELL, we see many marriages in a crisis. Some couples are eager to reconcile and to save their marriage; others give up or look for the other one to change without examining their own heart. We believe that marriages can be healed and be better than ever.

Rejoice with us in a marriage that is in ongoing process of healing. 
Their words:

Wife: We were in a very broken place when we first started at Living Well. My husband wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be in this marriage, he had recently had an affair, and I was desperately trying to hold it all together, save our marriage, and learn how to forgive and move past the pain and hurt that was controlling my life. Our marriage hadn’t been *terrible* leading up to this point, but communication was severely lacking.

The biggest thing that changed was my husband giving his life over to God. Once that happened, our family started to heal. Relationships were mended. Our family dynamic slowly improved. For me, God helped me move past my anger, hurt and bitterness. He helped me to see my husband's heart and not solely focus on his offense. It is a continual process of growth and forgiveness, but we are having so many more good days than bad days.

Through Living Well, we learned some MUCH needed communication skills. Issues and grievances are no longer being swept under the rug and left to linger until they build up and explode. Disagreements are being resolved before our heads hit the pillow. That alone is HUGE for us. It is so refreshing to wake up that next morning with no ill-feelings towards your spouse. Speaking for my husband, I think a huge thing he has learned is that all women are complex. And emotional. And need to feel loved. I have learned that men are simple. And yearn for respect more than feeling loved. And that they will never, ever, understand fully, how a woman’s mind works.

Aside from the pain that I still feel at times, the guilt that he still feels, I truly, honestly feel that our marriage is better than it’s ever been. And I feel that once the pain and guilt have completely subsided, that our marriage WILL be the best it’s ever been. I cannot WAIT for that! Marriage is easier with communication skills in place. We appreciate each other more. Intimately, we are like newlyweds again! Spiritually, we are walking hand-in-hand, praying together daily, and growing together in Him.

Husband: First starting counseling, I was really lost and dealing with a lot of stress and grief. I had just put my wife through something I will spend the rest of my life making up to her. Which is fine. Most importantly, I hit rock bottom. And I have been pretty low before, but this was worse. I knew God, but never fully gave my life to Him. Living Well’s literature and itinerary really helped me to recognize what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. The tools being based on God’s principals were everything I needed to reestablish my role as a husband and establish my role as a Godly husband my wife has always wanted.

Marriage Solutions, part 1

Seeking Solutions

Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person.   Anonymous

One of my favorite questions to ask people is “Where do you go when you need help with your marriage problems?”

When we were young marrieds, hmmm …… 40 years ago, we didn’t have that many options. Most people probably talked to their friends or family. We knew that our friends and family didn’t know any more than we did. 

My tendency is to find a book - books are my answer to every situation - good or bad. But at that time, good books on marriage were not apparent to me.

Unfortunately, as a newly married couple, we were not in church. We were both Christians, but didn’t see the Church or the Bible as an answer to the puzzle of compatibility in marriage.

But we were both very committed to making our marriage the best that we could. We were like many young couples; we thought love and common interests were enough.

“We should know how to be married.” 

Divorce was never an option, neither was being isolated from each other.

As much as we enjoyed the same lifestyle and had the same goals, we didn’t really understand each other. We wanted to make each other happy, but we didn’t really understand what that meant.

Today, couples have too many places to go when they are seeking solutions. So many competing voices claim authority on the subject. 
  • Is the advice of Oprah (who is not married) valid? 
  • Or is Dr. Phil the expert?
  • What about an internet search?
  • Maybe, I should ask my buddy at work. 
  • Or my sister, she seems happier than I do. 
  • My friends think I could find someone to treat me better.

Where do I find real answers?

Real Answers

Marriage is not a human invention, it is the creation of God; it did not originate in the mind of man, but in the mind of God. 

We have spent the last 35 years seeking God and searching His Word for solutions. We have found real answers to every marital issue! 

God’s answers transcend time, culture, gender, race, IQ, and income. Most of all, He cares about us and our marriages, even more than we do! 

Cast all your anxiety on Him He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7) 

Over the next few months, we are going to share real answers to the most common marriage problems. 

For those answers to make a difference in my marriage: 
  1. First, I will recognize that I need help and want a change. I will be honest with myself about my part. 
  2. Second, that change has to start in my own heart, because I can’t change another person. 
  3. Third, I seek God through His Word and through prayer for His perspective and His solutions. 
  4. Fourth, I will be patient with the process. I didn’t get to this place overnight, I won’t form new beliefs and new habits overnight. 
  5. Fifth, I won’t give up or lose hope! 
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  (Romans 15:7)

Also, see our previous post: Marriage Problems, part 1