Heart of Infidelity in Marriage

If we seek from the world the pleasures we should seek in God, we are unfaithful to our marriage vows. And, what’s worse, when we go to our Heavenly Husband and actually pray for the resources with which to commit adultery with the world [James. 4:3-4], it is a very wicked thing. It is as though we should ask our husband for money to hire male prostitutes to provide the pleasure we don’t find in him!   John Piper

Infidelity starts with a focus on self - how does that other person make me feel? 

Marriage is a commitment to care most about the well-being of someone else - how does my spouse feel?

If I allow my mind and heart to consider the attention or affection of a person of the opposite sex, I am saying, “I didn’t mean what I said” ….. or “I can divide my devotion.” I am focused on how I feel, not on how my spouse feels.

The same is true when I am unfaithful to the Lord. Instead of focusing on who He is and His desires for me, I am focused on what I want. We are the bride of Christ; He is our Heavenly Husband. When I seek fulfillment and meaning in life apart from Him, I am being unfaithful to Him. [see quote above]

Where is my heart? Is my heart seeking the approval of others and the satisfaction of physical pleasures? 

The result is temporary happiness that becomes increasingly demanding to sustain.

I may choose to divert my attention or affections because of hurt from my spouse. My way of dealing with the pain is to pay back my spouse or to seek temporary happiness from another person - eventually to find out that person will cause me pain also.

Instead of spending time finding attention or approval from someone outside my marriage, I can invest that time in my relationship to my spouse with infinitely more enduring benefits.

My faithfulness to the Lord and to my spouse benefits me the most!


Can I protect myself from the temptations of unfaithfulness?

If you believe that you are not vulnerable to infidelity, you are deceiving yourself.
God tells me to guard my heart; everything starts there. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

That concept starts in my relationship to God. I guard my heart by spending time with Him, getting to know His heart and His character. 

The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. Oswald Chambers

In Proverbs 5, God speaks as a father to a son warning him of the dangers of adultery.

Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house. (verse 8)

A foundational guardrail is to avoid situations or people that tempt me. I do not share personal thoughts and feelings with another person of the opposite sex. I do not let my heart be drawn to another person outside my marriage. I focus on caring for my spouse.


It is better to be faithful than famous.
Theodore Roosevelt

Faithfulness in marriage or at work does not come about because of the spouse or the job; faithfulness happens because of the character of the person that is faithful.

A marriage where infidelity shows up is a marriage where the vows are
discarded and the heart is is impulsive and careless.

Faithfulness starts in the heart. First, faithfulness is having a heart for God and being faithful to Him. Then, it is having a heart that is devoted to my spouse.

When a man gets married, as he says “yes” to his wife, he is saying “no” to every other woman in the world.

When a woman marries, she says “yes” to her husband and “no” to all other men.

My faithfulness is determined by my own character and integrity - not by the relationship. My faithfulness gives my spouse security in our relationship. Faithfulness lasts through bad times and good times, ensuring the longevity of the relationship.
When you ask someone who has been married 50+ years, what makes a marriage last and thrive? They will talk about their confidence in their spouse’s faithfulness.

Faithfulness is not just about a sexual affair but is about being devoted to my spouse in all areas.

I am faithful to keep my word to my spouse. I am faithful to pray for my spouse. I am faithful to care for my spouse in sickness or in health. I am faithful to be present and listen to my spouse.

Faithfulness reaps joy.


Our need is not to prove God’s faithfulness but to demonstrate our own, by trusting Him both to determine and to supply our needs according to His will. John MacArthur

God’s faithfulness to us is not dependent on our faithfulness to Him - but on His character. His faithfulness far exceeds anything that we can ask or imagine.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5

But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
2 Thessalonians 3:3

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9