Heart of Infidelity in Marriage

If we seek from the world the pleasures we should seek in God, we are unfaithful to our marriage vows. And, what’s worse, when we go to our Heavenly Husband and actually pray for the resources with which to commit adultery with the world [James. 4:3-4], it is a very wicked thing. It is as though we should ask our husband for money to hire male prostitutes to provide the pleasure we don’t find in him!   John Piper

Infidelity starts with a focus on self - how does that other person make me feel? 

Marriage is a commitment to care most about the well-being of someone else - how does my spouse feel?

If I allow my mind and heart to consider the attention or affection of a person of the opposite sex, I am saying, “I didn’t mean what I said” ….. or “I can divide my devotion.” I am focused on how I feel, not on how my spouse feels.

The same is true when I am unfaithful to the Lord. Instead of focusing on who He is and His desires for me, I am focused on what I want. We are the bride of Christ; He is our Heavenly Husband. When I seek fulfillment and meaning in life apart from Him, I am being unfaithful to Him. [see quote above]

Where is my heart? Is my heart seeking the approval of others and the satisfaction of physical pleasures? 

The result is temporary happiness that becomes increasingly demanding to sustain.

I may choose to divert my attention or affections because of hurt from my spouse. My way of dealing with the pain is to pay back my spouse or to seek temporary happiness from another person - eventually to find out that person will cause me pain also.

Instead of spending time finding attention or approval from someone outside my marriage, I can invest that time in my relationship to my spouse with infinitely more enduring benefits.

My faithfulness to the Lord and to my spouse benefits me the most!


Can I protect myself from the temptations of unfaithfulness?

If you believe that you are not vulnerable to infidelity, you are deceiving yourself.
God tells me to guard my heart; everything starts there. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

That concept starts in my relationship to God. I guard my heart by spending time with Him, getting to know His heart and His character. 

The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. Oswald Chambers

In Proverbs 5, God speaks as a father to a son warning him of the dangers of adultery.

Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house. (verse 8)

A foundational guardrail is to avoid situations or people that tempt me. I do not share personal thoughts and feelings with another person of the opposite sex. I do not let my heart be drawn to another person outside my marriage. I focus on caring for my spouse.