Women, Money, and Fear

Our daughter is a “bag lady.”

Depending on your age, one of two images will probably come to your mind.

If you are as young as she is, you are probably thinking of someone who looks like this young women who loves purses. Our daughter has several large bags and could easily live out of those bags. In fact, she has lived out of them.

But if you are closer to my age, another image will probably come to mind. This woman is disheveled and homeless, carrying bags with all of her belongings. Her “bags” are stuffed full of her “valuables,” all that she owns. The thought of becoming a real homeless “bag lady” is a fear many women have.

The most documented female money fear is commonly referred to as the "bag lady syndrome," or anxiety about finding yourself suddenly destitute and on skid row. Many well- known, affluent woman have admitted to having this fear.

Most marriage resources list financial security as one of the top needs for women. This security is closely related to this fear of not having a home, “the bag lady.”

Most men don’t realize how strong this need is in a woman’s life. Part of it stems from a woman’s sense of vulnerability physically—a fear of assault, physically and/or sexually. Another part is the “nesting and nurturing” attribute of women. They have an innate sense of making a home for their family, nurturing, and protecting their children.

If a woman has experienced financial distress, either as a child or as an adult, this need for financial security can become even stronger.

Marriage and Financial Fears

What does that mean for marriage? Husbands can be aware of the strong emotional reaction that they may receive if the home if not financially secure. He can also partner with his wife in making a realistic budget and staying with it. As they review their finances together regularly, the wife can gain confidence in the couple's financial faithfulness.

Men and women have financial fears, but women’s fears are different than men’s.

The kind of fear with which most of us walk around is not a fear that God gave us. This fear came with our independence from God.

God wants us to have faith, wisdom, and godliness, not fear. His desire is that we be good managers of His money and to seek wise counsel in making the decisions. But recognizing the fears help us to see where our faith is lacking and helps us to understand our emotional reactions.

Besides the fear of being poor, women often fear losing money, looking stupid, borrowing money, making a plan and sticking to it, investing, not trusting themselves (putting financial decisions in someone else’s hands), and keeping the wrong advisors (they know it’s hard to turn loose of their relationships).

The Provider and Protector

Security is not the absence of danger, but the presence of God, no matter what the danger.

For the woman, who experiences the “bag lady syndrome,” understanding God’s presence in her life as our Protector and Provider can turn fear into confidence.

God wants us to experience Him as our Provider. He is not saying that we sit around and do nothing until money drops in our lap.

But He is saying that when we are faithful to do our part (even though He provides for the birds, they have to get up every morning and look for worms.), He will provide. In marriage, He has ordained husbands to be the conduit through which He wants to provide. (Genesis 2:15, 1 Timothy 3:8)

God is our provider. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided." (Genesis 22:14)

God is our Protector. "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. (Psalm 91:14-15)