COURAGE TO FACE MYSELF
The character of courage in a marriage starts with the courage to marry. True courage in marriage includes the courage to face my own "stuff" in marriage.
[see the first part of Character of Marriage-Courage]
The courage to face myself and my contribution to the problems I have in my marriage may be the hardest part of marriage.
It means that I have to quit blaming the problem on my spouse, my past, or my job. Regardless of who I am married to and how that person acts, I can respond in a godly way. I don’t have to attack back when I feel attacked.
Regardless of my past, I can see the power of God’s Spirit transform me, so that I don’t have to repeat the unhealthy patterns and habits of my parents.
No matter what the people I work for or that I work with do, I can do my job with integrity and honesty and wholeheartedly, and not neglect my family.
When there is conflict in any area of my life, I can ask God to show me what the issues of my heart are in the situation.
Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
It takes courage to face the fact that I may be angry at my spouse because of the hurt from my parents. I may have unrealistic expectations of the people around me because I never felt like I measured up. So, I have high expectations for myself and for those around me.
It takes courage to ask my spouse what she/he sees in my life that is damaging our relationship. And when she answers, I don’t get defensive, blame others, or attack back.
It takes courage to take responsibility for emotional mood swings, irritability, anger, or erratic behavior. Then more courage to ask for forgiveness and ask God to help you change in that area.
"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind." Alex Karras
When we ask God to show us what our part is God doesn’t beat us down with condemnation. In fact, He says in Romans 8:1, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
But God is faithful to stick with me and help me work through those difficult times.
“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody's looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you're misunderstood.” Charles Swindoll
He will give me the courage if I move towards Him rather than trying to figure it out on my own or moving away from Him. He says that we can conquer the hard parts of life.
Later in chapter 8, (verses 31-32, 35, 37-39) What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ….. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? …… No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The more I press into the Lord, the more He strengthens me. Then the more courage I have. Even Epicurus, the Greek philosopher, recognized the link between courage and facing difficulties. He said "You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."
Victor Hugo, a French novelist, who wrote Les Miserables, said, "Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
