“In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word "divorce" came up. I always figured it came from some root that meant "divide." In truth, it comes from "divertere," which means "to divert.” I believe that. All divorce does is divert you, taking you away from everything you thought you knew and everything you thought you wanted and steering you into all kinds of other stuff. Mitch Albom, For One More Day
In the business world, companies come up with “Plan B” - “Here’s what we will do if Plan A doesn’t work.” Plan B is the fall-back plan.
In marriage,
if divorce is Plan B, Plan A (a lifetime marriage) will never work. Divorce is the fall-back plan if I am not happy.
When divorce is an option, the willingness to work at marriage lessens.
If my marriage gets too hard, I will get a divorce. That thinking ignores the Vow of Marriage. [see our next blog post]
More than one person has said to us, “To save my marriage it will take a lot of work and I am not willing to do that much work.”
Then, they leave their spouse.
Some people think that if the other person knows that divorce is not an option that the other person will take advantage of the situation.
- He won’t try.
- She will take me and our marriage for granted.
- I will be stuck
That attitude can happen, regardless of the commitment.
If things are not going well in a marriage, many think that divorce is the only option.
If divorce is not an option and I want to be happy, what are my options?
[See other options below.]
Your happiness is not the goal of marriage!!! Surprise!
But happiness will be the by-product of a marriage that honors and glorifies God.
We divert from the reason God put us together.
We lose sight of the goal to show the world what a real picture of Christ and the Church looks like.
Give up Plan B!
[Note: We do not advocate that a person stay in a dangerous situation. Also, we believe that every person, husband or wife, needs to have skills to earn a living and know how to run a household alone - in the case of death or disability of a spouse.]
OPTIONS
People in a marriage crisis often see only two options:
- Divorce
- Keep going on the same way
As we come alongside couples, we show them that there are other options.
The big one is CHANGE!
It’s all his fault; he is the one that has to change!
It’s her problem; she needs to change!
We believe that when a couple gets to an impasse and are stuck in their marriage, they need an objective third party who can give them guidance.
Each person needs to look at their own issues rather than continually focusing on what the other one is doing wrong.
What if one of the couple is not open to going to a third party and/or not open to change?
Then, the person who recognizes the marriage is in a bad place, seeks guidance for his/her own life. Start with:
- Seeking the Lord and being open with what He says to you.
- Forgiving the other person for the hurts that have occurred.
- Take responsibility for your part (your responses)
- Quit trying to change the other person.
You can’t/shouldn’t do it.
- Find a godly person of the same gender to give you guidance.
See our next blog post about the Vow of Marriage.
