Listen in Love .... Good patterns

When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.
Victor Hugo

We must be silent before we can listen.
We must listen before we can learn.
We must learn before we can prepare.
We must prepare before we can serve.
We must serve before we can lead.

William Arthur Ward

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill

One of the single most important skills a person can have in marriage or in life is to be a good listener. To listen well demonstrates that you value the other person.

Often when another person is talking, I am formulating my response or my critique of what he or she is saying. I have quit listening at that point. I am more interested in what I have to say than what the other person is saying. I want to be understood rather than trying to understand the other person.

Or it could be that I quit listening because I am not interested in what the other person is saying. I only want to listen to topics about which I am involved or interested. In that case, I devalue the other person by communicating that I don’t care about his/her interests. In marriage or parenting or even in friendship, someone who truly loves the other person cares about the other one’s interests because of the love for the person.

The skills that typify a good listener are not difficult to master. The most important (usually the hardest) attribute of a listener lies in the heart. A good listener wants the other person to feel valued, to feel heard, and to feel understood. He listens to the heart of the other person.

Some valuable skills for listening include:

First: One of the most important skills is focused attention. A good listener looks at the person talking, gives cues that he is listening, and is not distracted by his Blackberry, Iphone, TV, newspaper, or computer.

Second: A serious listener will ask for clarification about what the speaker says, making sure that he understands the words and meaning, not assuming that she knows the motives.

Third: A committed listener will continue to listen regardless of his interest in the subject. I listen and care about the subject out of my love for this person. If it is important to her, it is important to me. A woman feels very emotionally connected to a man who will listen to her and take an interest in what she says.

Fourth: A respectful listener will not interrupt while the other person is talking and will give appropriate feedback, indicating that she understands what is said.

The One Who Hears
The Psalms were written by several people who were expressing their hearts to God. As we study the message there, we can see a God who hears us, who listens to us, and cares about what we say.

Sometimes we feel that no one is listening and that no one cares. We watch for clues from our listeners, signs that they care about us. When we know that God is listening and cares; we can express our hearts to Him and take the pressure off those around us. We receive comfort as He listens. We gain wisdom as we listen.

The LORD will hear when I call to him. Psalm 4:3

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry. Psalm 10:17

O you who hear prayer, to you all men will come. Psalm 65:2