Scott Stanley in his book The Power of Commitment would call the vow to my spouse a commitment of constraint. His proposed "commitment of dedication" would include another significant quality - the commitment to the very best for my spouse, creating a nurturing environment, a supportive relationship.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
To be devoted to my spouse would include all levels of love – unconditional love, friendship love, physical love and affection.
Part of that commitment to the very best for your spouse is accepting that person just as they are – not trying to change that person. In fact, I would encourage my husband in his interests and abilities. I create an environment in my marriage that nurtures the gifts God has given him.
Ed has always been an outdoors person. In fact, as I am writing this post, he is working on arrows. Yes, arrows for archery deer hunting. I now know what "fletching" means.
When we got married, he was a great golfer, an avid fisherman, and hunter. I know women who complain about their husband doing those things, but I thought it was great. I have always encouraged him to pursue those activities.
I know that some men overdo those things and don’t spend time with their families; they don’t consider the needs of the family. I know some husbands don’t plan time with their wife, but it will not bring us closer together by nagging or complaining about it. I am not excusing men who abuse this area.
I love art and art museums. Ed knows that when we travel, I want to go to the local art museum or art show. He plans time into our trips for the art museums. He encourages me in my involvement as a volunteer at our local art museum.
When I try to restrict my spouse’s time or connection with other people or interests, it will ultimately be a divisive issue, driving us farther apart. Restricting my spouse is control, not commitment.
Committing to the best for that person also means that I put his needs and desires before my own. I serve him rather than expecting to be served. I treat that person with kindness and respect.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4) In the verses immediately following this passage, Jesus admonishes us to serve each other.
If I am going to make the commitment to my spouse a part of the character of my marriage, I can ask myself these questions:
- Am I truly committed to the best for my spouse?
- Do I create a nurturing home for the interests and abilities of my spouse?
- Do I consider him/her better than me, more important than me?
- Do I look to his/her interests before I seek what I want for myself?
- Do I accept and encourage my spouse in his/her own personality?
Previous posts in the series:
Character of Marriage - Commitment
Character of Marriage - Commitment2
Character of Marriage - Commitment3
