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Character of Marriage - Compassion

"Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too." Frederick Buechner

One might assume that marriage would contain compassion. Initially, probably, most do. As marriage continues and hurt comes through the front door, often compassion exits through the back door.

The person, whom we proclaim to love until death, suddenly becomes the person to whom we show the least compassion.

What is compassion? 

The word origin means literally “to suffer with.” The dictionary puts it this way “a feeling of distress and pity for the suffering or misfortune of another, often including the desire to alleviate it.” Compassion goes a step beyond sympathy. Compassion wants to do something to help. We see news articles on TV about great human suffering because of a natural disaster. People want to know what they can do to help.

Some people seem to lack compassion in most situations, including home life. Sometimes, it is because they don't know what to do, so they tune it out. Sometimes, it is more of the sense that no matter what they do it won't help or it won't matter. For some people, it is even a "one-up-manship." They think or say "You think you have it bad, listen to what happened to me.... Or you don't know what it means to suffer, you have it easy compared to my life/my hurt ...."

I believe that at his/her core, every man and woman has compassion in extreme situations. Would I give up something or risk danger if I knew a child was about to die and I was the only who could save him? Most people would take that risk to save a helpless child. But can I have compassion for my husband or my wife?

The Bible has a lot to say about compassion and mercy. In fact, compassion/mercy is a central theme throughout the Bible. The biblical word for compassion means: "that disposition that fuels acts of kindness and mercy. Compassion, a form of love, is aroused within us when we are confronted with those who suffer or are vulnerable." The biblical words for compassion or being compassionate are often translated “mercy” also.

Any description of God's heart towards us would include compassion and mercy.

2 Corinthians 1:3 calls Him "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort."

In Exodus 33:18, after Moses asked God to show him His glory, God says, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion."
  
After God came down in a cloud and passed in front of Moses, He said in Exodus 34:6 “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." We see that description in Scripture over and over.

This quality of compassion is present not only in God the Father, but also in Jesus the Son.
  • Matthew 9:36 "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
  • Matthew 14:14 "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
  • Matthew 15:32 "Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.'"
  • Luke 19:41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it.
  • Jesus, telling the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:20 "So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."
 God says that we can be like Him in the area of compassion and mercy because He lives in us.
  • Zechariah 7:9 “This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.'"
  • Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
  • Colossians 3:12 "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
  • 1 Peter 3:8 "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
Compassion towards our fellow man and towards other believers includes compassion towards our spouse.

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." Henry Ward Beecher

In the next post, we will talk about how the importance of compassion in marriage, how to develop and demonstrate compassion, and some red flags/antidotes for a lack of compassion in marriage.

Previous posts in the series: