The last two blog posts talked about contentment. [part1 and part2] What does all of that have to do with marriage?
THE CONTENTED MARRIAGE
Contentment in my life in general influences how content I am in my marriage. Much of contentment comes from how I view life. My emotional tie to how other people act towards me determines my happiness or contentment.
Proverbs 5 is a warning to stay away from the temptations of adultery. Verse 18 says “may you rejoice in the wife [husband] of your youth.”
As long as I think that there is someone out there that can make me happy or make me feel better about myself or make me feel loved, then I will be discontent in my marriage.
My eyes and mind will begin to wander. “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” Maybe it is greener because it is cared for. The grass on my side of the fence would be greener if I water it, nourish it, and care for it.
The same principles hold true in having contentment in marriage as being content with my house.[see last post] We can be upset and angry about our situation or we can learn to make the most of it.
No one can satisfy those needs in my life but God. As long as I am looking to my spouse to meet the needs of my life, I will be discontent. He/she will never be able to do enough or do the right thing.
When I seek God to meet the needs of my life, my marriage becomes a place where I give to my spouse out of what God has given to me. It is a place of giving, not of seeing what I can get.
Instead of thinking about and complaining about what I am unhappy with, I enjoy the good traits of my spouse. I express appreciation to my spouse for his strengths and his character. I notice what he/she does for me and for the family. I thank him for the little things and the big things. I take time to look at all the good in the person God has given me. I thank Him for giving me a perfect gift and I express gratitude to Him for His goodness in that person.
I think it takes many years for most couples to find contentment in their marriage. Their discontent usually comes from an uneasiness that they have on the inside. They keep looking for a way to fill that void, a way to find peace, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
If only people would act differently towards me, I would be happier.
If only people understood me or appreciated me or helped me more, life would be good.
When I get to that place of accepting my mate, appreciating him, thinking about all of his great qualities, a sense of contentment settles in. I quit looking for other options. I quit wondering if I made a wrong choice. I quit trying to change my spouse into who I think he should be.
I enjoy our time together, even if it is just riding in the same car, not talking, just being in each other’s presence.
It is really a golden place in a marriage.
Gratitude is a handmaiden of contentment. An ever-growing attitude of gratitude will certainly make us more content since we will be focusing more on what we do have, both spiritually and materially, than on what we do not have. But contentment is more than focusing on what we have. It is focusing on the fact that all we do have; we have by the grace of God. We do not deserve anything we have, materially or spiritually. It is all by His grace.
Jerry Bridges
