Dr. David Stoop and Dr. Jan Stoop
When someone’s background was one of financial insecurity - they never knew if there was enough money for life’s essentials, money wasn’t managed well - as an adult, they may be very frugal to make sure they have enough or they may repeat the mistakes of their childhood.
Money may represent security to some people. Saving money gives them security. To others, money represents prestige. What they buy with their money spells success. Some derive great pleasure in spending money on things to make them happier - whether they have the money or not. They will use a credit card to buy it or go into debt to have these things.
When these emotional ties to money clash, the marriage has conflict!
When there is conflict over money, that conflict is only the symptom of other issues.
When someone’s background was one of financial insecurity - they never knew if there was enough money for life’s essentials, money wasn’t managed well - as an adult, they may be very frugal to make sure they have enough or they may repeat the mistakes of their childhood.
Money may represent security to some people. Saving money gives them security. To others, money represents prestige. What they buy with their money spells success. Some derive great pleasure in spending money on things to make them happier - whether they have the money or not. They will use a credit card to buy it or go into debt to have these things.
When these emotional ties to money clash, the marriage has conflict!
When there is conflict over money, that conflict is only the symptom of other issues.
Whatever the reason is for the conflict, it cannot be resolved without healthy communication.
We must sit down and talk calmly, instead of arguing and yelling.
The conversation can start by asking questions (and listening to the answers) about the meaning of money. Some questions that we may want to ask:
- How did your family deal with money - their values,
Guides ….
We must sit down and talk calmly, instead of arguing and yelling.
The conversation can start by asking questions (and listening to the answers) about the meaning of money. Some questions that we may want to ask:
- How did your family deal with money - their values,
- who handled it,
- what did they teach you,
- what was painful,
- what brought joy?
Another reason for conflict is when one spouse tries to control the other with money. It is critical that the couple agree on a spending plan. Regardless of who executes the plan, agreement brings oneness and must include transparency in all financial matters.
Another reason for conflict is when one spouse tries to control the other with money. It is critical that the couple agree on a spending plan. Regardless of who executes the plan, agreement brings oneness and must include transparency in all financial matters.
Guides ….
Where do we start?
1. Acknowledge that God owns it all and you are the manager of His resources.
2. Seek God’s will on where He wants you to spend the money He has provided.
3. Agree to follow His will.
4. Find His will for your lifestyle.
5. Make sure your spending follows the lifestyle that God has shown you for you and and your family.
6. Spend less than you make.
7. Keep track of where you spend money.
8. Agree on a spending plan. Every dollar is designated before it is received.
9. Stick with the plan. That means that you have to continue to keep track of how you are spending money.
10. Honor God by giving back to Him and His work out of what He has given you.
11. Get out of debt and stay out.
12. Save for the future.
Read more about MONEY AND MARRIAGE: HOW to CONCUR here.
2. Seek God’s will on where He wants you to spend the money He has provided.
3. Agree to follow His will.
4. Find His will for your lifestyle.
5. Make sure your spending follows the lifestyle that God has shown you for you and and your family.
6. Spend less than you make.
7. Keep track of where you spend money.
8. Agree on a spending plan. Every dollar is designated before it is received.
9. Stick with the plan. That means that you have to continue to keep track of how you are spending money.
10. Honor God by giving back to Him and His work out of what He has given you.
11. Get out of debt and stay out.
12. Save for the future.
Read more about MONEY AND MARRIAGE: HOW to CONCUR here.
