How often do we mind read or expect our spouse to mind read?
Assume Nothing - No mind reading!
Mind reading is when you decide on your own what the other person is thinking or what their motivation is.
How many arguments or offenses come from someone deciding what the other one is thinking or why they did what they did? We just know that they were being inconsiderate or trying to make life harder for us. How often do we become angry or defensive when someone just asks a question? We assume they are questioning our judgement. MIND READING!
Ladies, have you ever said "he should just know that?"! Guys, have you ever been frustrated because your wife doesn't know your sexual desires? Do you ever think that she should know without you telling her? MIND READING!
Have you ever gone to the kitchen to get that last piece of pie? It was gone and you think that he ate it just so you couldn't have it. Or you have gone in to take a shower and the shower floor was slick. Your wife just shaved her legs using some moisturizing lotion and you think she is trying to make you fall down? MIND READING!
I can't begin to count the number of times that I have been meeting with a woman in a one-on-one session and she prefaced what she told me with "I know you are going to think that I shouldn't have done ....." MIND READING!
I always encourage them to let me decide what I am going to think, "don't project your thoughts into mine." The same holds true for husbands and wives - don't decide what your spouse is going to say or what they are thinking.
Dave Barry, American humorist and columnist, explains why it is wrong to assume anything about your husband, "Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."
Assumptions are dangerous. They drain a marriage and can be very distructive to a relationship of any kind. If there is a misunderstanding or if you have been offended, ask the other person to explain what they mean. Rather than getting defensive or attacking, assume good will by the other. Then ask for clarification, in a genuine, sincere tone of voice. For example, "I was wondering if you could clarify what you are saying. I am not questioning you, just asking a question."
To energize your marriage - Assume Nothing!
[more tips for a high voltage marriage to follow in days ahead]
