Remember the "fun house" experience from childhood? Looking at different full-length mirrors. Some make us look fatter, some skinner, some do both. None give an accurate depiction of how we look.
Today, we have high definition TV which gives a more detailed picture of what we are viewing - sometimes more details than we want to see.
Many of us look at our own life through a distorted mirror. We do not see an accurate view of how we act in marriage or other relationships. We really need to take an HD view instead. We need to look at the details accurately - the way they are seen by others.
I often blame my spouse for what is wrong in our marriage or in my life, instead of looking in the mirror at me. A key to taking marriage from good to great is for me to look in the mirror at my life and how my actions are seen by others.
Blame started right after the Fall. When God asked Adam about eating the forbidden fruit, Adam replied, "The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Adam first blamed God for giving him Eve, then blamed Eve for giving him the fruit. He never took responsibility for what happened. Blame started at the beginning of the human race.
What happens when you ask your children, "who did this?" The answer is always to blame someone else, usually a sibling. We don't have to be taught to blame; we do it on our own.
When a couple has a conflict, the most common response is to blame the other one. Then defensiveness sets in. A broken relationship often results.
Blame is an energy-drain. If I am blaming someone else, then I am always right and am not teachable. When I look at my part, God can speak to me and show me my part of the difficulty.
Being willing to look at my stuff takes humility rather than pride. I am willing to say I am wrong or I didn’t adequately communicate my intent. I take responsibility for my part of a conflict or hurt. I see God about how He can change me from the inside - no matter what my spouse does or doesn't do.
As long as I am waiting for the other person to change before I am willing to change produces a stalemate in most marriages. I can be the one to take a step in the right direction - following the Lord. I can listen and hear what He wants to say to me.
I can put energy back into the marriage by taking the dare - stare at your own actions and attitudes.
"The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others." Don Shula (American football coach)
